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"Waves of sadness crashing against the shores of unsureness." I am becoming lost in my thoughts. I am constantly troubled by the now of my life instead of focusing on the future that I am working towards having. I have been covered in negativity as of late and its suffocating me. I cant focus, i cant see. My sureness has become unsure. I am trusting myself a little less today and a lot less than day 1.

Day 1 was the day I decided what I was going to do with my life and how I planned on getting there; it was a sure thing. There was no doubt in my mind that making the decision to follow my dreams would be a slice of pie but the pie is harder to slice that I anticipated. I wont lie, I'm emotional. This past weekend I cried for no reason. I was simply talking about something happy and it turned sad, I turned sad. Another time I was watching something as simple as The Voice and I shed tears.

At this very moment my eyes are watering and I'd like to think I don't know why, but I do. I am so suppressive that my growing disappointment in my inability to "do it all" is coming out at whatever chance it gets. It is hard.. it is SO hard to stay consistent in what you set out to do. Especially when you have other obligations and responsibilities other than focusing on your dream. But this is positive. This is just reassuring me that I am doing what i am suppose to be doing.

At this point, I am working towards my dream no matter what; and I wont stop. I have tried many avenues to reach success but none have I wanted as bad as the one I am chasing now! These tears just represent the fight in me and I will cry but I will not give up.. I will sweat, but I will not stop fighting and I will NOT stop believing in me. By any means I will continue to believe in me and push myself. I have to speak these dreams into existence. Everyday I have to tell myself "Dee, you can do this! You have been given the chance and opportunity to awake your dreams, wake them."

The saying goes "Anything worth having is worth fighting for." I am fighting! I guess my message for today is that your journey is going to be filled with knockdowns, some of those you will inflict on yourself, but you have to get up. No matter how you do it, just get up and keep fighting because one day you will open your eyes and be living the dream you once had and now dreaming another. I have been avoiding writing lately, but I find healing here. Not many will read or see this but for some reason I feel better. I feel free of my fear and like I can stop beating myself up because it will be OK. My plan for tonight is to cry my little heart out and wake up in the morning with a new start. Everyday is a chance to start fresh, your can't rewrite your past but you can determine your ending.

One day, my life will inspire. I have overcome everything that has been placed in front of me, this is no different. I needed this, Thank You for listening!

                                                                                -Dee Lechelle